Well, seems going without food until supper time was no bad thing (apart from causing Dr A some anxiety that is). So the fasting strategy worked – even if my brain didn’t.
When I arrived at the clinic last night Dr A’s first response on seeing me was “Oh, thank God.” With my not having shown up for lunch, even a late lunch, she’d been worried that something had happened to me. Apparently around 4pm she tried to call me on the number I left her during our first session – but it was missing two digits. Doh! Just shows how much my brain is mush at the moment. And all afternoon I’d been telling myself that if Dr A thought I should eat before supper-time she would ring me. She did. Obviously with an incomplete telephone number she wasn’t able to reach me. Double Doh! Apparently her concern was in part due to her assessment that I am currently over sensitive.
Anyways, turns out not eating all day on Day 2 of Panchakarma was just fine. Dr A felt my pulses and confirmed I’d not needed to eat, that in fact I was still not truly hungry. Apparently due to my not eating for so long (24 hours, bar the medicine, is a long time for me), the morning medicine had had a great chance to do its work. In fact, although I’d been feeling crappy most of the day, with a heavy head that felt as though clumps of iron ore had been welded in there, about an hour or so before supper-time I started to feel freer from that weight – though some iron clumps remain. With yesterday evening’s lift came relief and hope and gratitude for taking on this drastic month-long Panchakarma.
So for my one meal of the day I tucked into more rice soup, thicker this time with extra dahl (lentils of a more digestible kind apparently). I ate most of it. Dr A advised that afterwards I should walk around a bit at home to help me sleep better. She also asked me to message her when I got back home. I did both. I’m trying to be a good patient.
Day 3 of Panchakarma this morning and another woman joined me for the morning concoction. Day 1 for her. She’s due to do a 45-day programme. Yowser!
I especially feel Yowser! when contemplating a 45-day programme as I’m feeling as if I’ve been on my programme for longer than three days, seems more like a week. That could be a bad thing. If I feel like I’ve been ‘working it’ when in fact only three days have passed I’m potentially going to struggle with motivation at some point. And this ain’t one of those programmes I can opt out of in the middle – got to see it through to completion. On the flip side is the possibility that I am so comfortable with this approach that I’ve made a wise choice to go for it. Obviously I’m hoping the latter is true.
Yesterday the doctor asked me to keep a journal. I’m to make a record of my thoughts and feelings throughout the day. As most of us will know, a physical detox can also affect other aspects of ourselves. Our mental, emotional, spiritual parts also become clogged up, worn down and sometimes feel like a pair of overused and unloved boots relegated to the back of a rotting, overgrown garden shed. (Or is that just me…?)
But this is only Day 3 of Panchakarma and in truth the journal writing is less easy to do than I’d have thought. I’m still feeling tired and lethargic. Writing, reading, flicking through social media, even reading about the ongoing horrors spewing across the globe from Washington DC fill up the time I’d much rather spend sleeping. And writing this post helps keep me awake. These activities not only distract me from falling asleep, they also keep me away from the thoughts and feelings Dr A would like me to connect with and disclose.
Perhaps I’m just being resistant. Perhaps I’m not yet ready to walk down that dark, lonely, echoey corridor, to open doors and delve into places and spaces where possible, and probable, horrors are waiting to be unleashed. (I’m imagining Freddie Kruger. I’m seeing ravaged hell-workers. I’m thinking pustulating zombies. I’m imaging endless sinewy, claw-like hands with pointy talons.) More probable (than zombies) is that whatever’s behind those doors is simply clamouring to be acknowledge and heard. But I know I’m not quite ready for that, not feeling robust enough to dance with the demons of my delusions and derangements. I’ve no doubt the time will come when I’ll be ready to open doors, some at least.
This being Day 3 of Panchakarma I’m still slurping the hot water. Lunchtime has come and gone and I’m only kind of hungry. Maybe today will be another one fasting until supper-time.
- My mouth still feels yukky with a sort of metallic taste, plaque forming too.
- Belly is still bloated, but without so much discomfort
- On a positive note, the flesh on my forearms looks different, in a good way. Feels firmer. How do I know? For about the past year I’ve noticed a weird groove on the inside, as if the skin was sagging. This afternoon that groove, slight as it was, is barely noticeable. Maybe that’s just a passing thing. But if this treatment manages to reverse some of the collagen loss from a few years ago that would be magical. Here’s hoping.
- Another positive is that this morning I was awake before the alarm went off. Bliss. Alarms – brilliant when necessary, but always hateful.
Anyways, for now, wherever you are and whoever you’re with, wishing you a great day and… enjoy your food! (No, seriously, I’m not obsessed, honest.)